Cosmic Treadmill

My left leg moves forward with a confident urgency. My right leg follows with a blast of determination. My legs rumble along in a forward motion moving me towards my self proclaimed beginning line. My breath is heavy and my heart is pounding of exhaustion. Its mile 23 of the marathon and my mind is mentally preparing for the next phase of the journey. The sense of accomplishment is starting to set in and the anticipation of achievement is trumping any prior emotions. I feel the finish line. I see the finish line. Everything else in my mind clears and I am one with this moment.

I take a look around to appreciate my surroundings. The birds echo a simple but soothing melody and the sky is a bright tar heel blue with large cauliflower clouds seemingly fluffing each other on the horizon. It looks like the opening credits of the Simpsons… queue the theme song… “The siiiimmmppppssoooonnnnnssss”

My size 15 New Balances speed up as I am becoming closer to my goals. I feel stronger than ever and any small pains have subsided. My gaze is solely focused straight in front of me. I am on a mission and that mission is about to be body slammed.

I am now only 100 yards from the stretched out the rope. My mind jumps ahead and I see myself ripping across the finish line in a blaze of glory. I feel a certain calm and sense of relief knowing how close I am. I look to my right and notice a large Oak Tree blowing in the wind. I look to my left and see all my friends and family cheering me on. I feel complete in this instant and slowly boomerang my head straight.

As I look back towards the finish line, an odd feeling engulfs my entire being. My stomach drops instantly and my forward motion is impeded by the feeling of disbelief. Reluctantly, I look to my right again and see the same large Oak Tree staring at me. I look again to my left, hoping for new terrain, but I still see my loved ones. How could this be… after such rapid advancement for so long…. is possible that I was running in place on some sort of cosmic treadmill?

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you can’t seem to move with the grace and elegance that you would expect of yourself? Have you ever dreamt you could fly only to fall into the ocean under the cliff you just jumped off? That is how I feel right now in real life. The ball is no longer in my court. I am at the mercy of the professional community, anxiously waiting for someone to take a chance on a 27 Year Old Rookie.

So here I am; nervously waiting for a contract offer. The anticipation eats at me knowing how close I am to my goal. All I can do is stay in shape and hone my skills in case I am called upon. I am still beyond confident things will work themselves out, but not being directly in charge of my future is a difficult concept for me to grasp.

So as I run up this hill, I’m sure that I will, get quite a thrill, on this cosmic treadmill...